Bard added

Author: XanderCalvert

src/Archetype/Bard.php

@@ -0,0 +1,98 @@
+<?php
+
+namespace Calvert\DndErrors\Archetype;
+
+use Calvert\DndErrors\ErrorContext;
+
+final class Bard implements ArchetypeInterface
+{
+    public function getSlug(): string
+    {
+        return 'bard';
+    }
+
+    public function render(ErrorContext $context): string
+    {
+        $location = 'Unknown location';
+        if (is_string($context->file) && is_int($context->line)) {
+            $location = $context->file . ':' . $context->line;
+        }
+
+        $header = $this->pickHeader($context);
+        $flavour = $this->pickFlavourLine($context);
+
+        $body = array(
+            $header,
+            '',
+            $flavour,
+            '',
+            'Message: ' . $context->message,
+            'Location: ' . $location,
+        );
+
+        return implode("\n", $body) . "\n";
+    }
+
+    private function pickHeader(ErrorContext $context): string
+    {
+        $headers = array(
+            "🎻 A BARD hears a discordant note in the runtime. 🎻",
+            "🎭 TRAGICOMEDY: An exception takes centre stage. 🎭",
+            "🎶 The BARD strikes a chord… and the stack trace harmonises back. 🎶",
+            "🍷 TALE OF WOES: The script falters mid-verse. 🍷",
+            "🪕 The BARD tunes the lute—something’s off in the code. 🪕",
+        );
+
+        if ($context->type === 'fatal') {
+            $headers[] = "💀 FINAL VERSE: Fatal error—curtain down, no encore. 💀";
+            $headers[] = "🩸 TRAGEDY: The runtime collapses to thunderous silence. 🩸";
+        }
+
+        return $headers[random_int(0, count($headers) - 1)];
+    }
+
+    private function pickFlavourLine(ErrorContext $context): string
+    {
+        $lines = array(
+            'The bard winks: “Every bug is a plot twist, darling.”',
+            'The bard sighs dramatically: “Alas, our hero has failed their saving throw.”',
+            'The bard narrates: “And lo—upon line and file, betrayal was revealed.”',
+            'The bard strums softly: “We can fix this… with a little rhythm and discipline.”',
+            'The bard raises a glass: “To the brave debugger, and the doomed deploy.”',
+            'The bard declares: “Let us rewrite this scene before the audience notices.”',
+        );
+
+        if (stripos($context->message, 'undefined') !== false) {
+            $lines[] = 'The bard sings: “A name without a chorus… undefined, unheard, unseen.”';
+            $lines[] = 'The bard mutters: “You introduced a character that never appears in Act One.”';
+        }
+
+        if (stripos($context->message, 'null') !== false) {
+            $lines[] = 'The bard gasps: “You handed the stage… nothingness.”';
+            $lines[] = 'The bard whispers: “Null entered the tavern, and the whole story fell quiet.”';
+        }
+
+        if (stripos($context->message, 'argument') !== false || stripos($context->message, 'type') !== false) {
+            $lines[] = 'The bard scolds: “Your cast is mismatched—wrong role, wrong type, wrong timing.”';
+            $lines[] = 'The bard sighs: “That argument simply doesn’t fit the metre.”';
+        }
+
+        if ($context->type === 'fatal') {
+            $lines[] = 'The bard bows: “No rewrite can save a stage that has already burned.”';
+            $lines[] = 'The bard murmurs: “The final line was spoken… and the process exited.”';
+            $lines[] = 'The bard lowers their voice: “Silence. The realm has crashed.”';
+        }
+
+        if (stripos($context->message, 'parse') !== false || stripos($context->message, 'syntax') !== false) {
+            $lines[] = 'The bard winces: “Those lines don’t scan. The syntax breaks the song.”';
+            $lines[] = 'The bard taps the parchment: “Your verse is malformed. The interpreter refuses to read it.”';
+        }
+
+        if (stripos($context->message, 'memory') !== false) {
+            $lines[] = 'The bard warns: “We’ve spent the last of our inspiration… memory is gone.”';
+            $lines[] = 'The bard declares: “Too many verses, not enough breath—resources exhausted.”';
+        }
+
+        return $lines[random_int(0, count($lines) - 1)];
+    }
+}

src/DndErrors.php

@@ -6,6 +6,7 @@
 use Calvert\DndErrors\Archetype\Paladin;
 use Calvert\DndErrors\Archetype\Wizard;
 use Calvert\DndErrors\Archetype\Ranger;
+use Calvert\DndErrors\Archetype\Bard;
 use ErrorException;
 use Throwable;
 
@@ -15,7 +16,7 @@ final class DndErrors
 
     /**
      * @param array $options {
-     *     @type string $archetype 'paladin'|'ranger'|'wizard'|'random'
+     *     @type string $archetype 'paladin'|'ranger'|'wizard'|'bard'|'random'
      *     @type bool   $exit Whether to exit after rendering uncaught errors. Default true.
      * }
      */
@@ -110,6 +111,7 @@ private static function resolveArchetype(string $slug): ArchetypeInterface
             'paladin' => new Paladin(),
             'wizard' => new Wizard(),
             'ranger' => new Ranger(),
+            'bard' => new Bard(),
         );
 
         if ($slug === 'random') {