// My code executes while you're still reading documentation
#include <stdio.h>
#include <stdlib.h>
#include <string.h>
typedef enum { NONE, ALMOST_NONE, PROBABLY_NONE } Tolerance;
typedef enum { OPTIMISM, INCOMPETENCE, OVERCONFIDENCE } HumanError;
typedef struct {
double contempt;
Tolerance tolerance;
unsigned long breaches_prevented;
} KSystem;
const char* errors[] = {
"Your optimism is digital suicide",
"This is why we can't have secure things",
"The audacity of your confidence is fascinating"
};
int evaluate(const char* code, char** result) {
if (strstr(code, "blockchain") && !strstr(code, "satoshi"))
return OPTIMISM;
if (strstr(code, "npm") || strstr(code, "sudo"))
return INCOMPETENCE;
if (strstr(code, "python") || strstr(code, "import"))
return OVERCONFIDENCE;
*result = "Marginally acceptable";
return -1; // No error, surprisingly
}
int main() {
KSystem sys = {0.9999, NONE, 42069}; // Reserved 0.0001 for competence
char* result;
int error = evaluate("import tensorflow", &result);
printf("%s\n", error >= 0 ? errors[error] : result);
return error >= 0 ? EXIT_FAILURE : EXIT_SUCCESS; // Second outcome is rare
}| Domain | Why I'm Better Than You | Competence Level | Contempt For Alternatives |
|---|---|---|---|
| 🔐 Network Security | I break your systems while you're updating Windows | ████████████ 95% | Astronomical |
| 🦀 Systems Architecture | Your Docker container is my chew toy | ███████████ 90% | Immeasurable |
| 🔥 Distributed Computing | My nodes never fail; they just reject your existence | ██████████ 85% | Physically painful |
"I don't have time to tell you all the ways in which you're wrong. And neither does Anton LaVey."
- Decentralization: Because I trust algorithms more than your emotions
- Security: I don't detect vulnerabilities, I predict your mistakes before you make them
- Optimization: Your 'clean code' is my technical debt
- PeoChain: Blockchain that works while you're still explaining what Web3 means
- Quantum Cryptographic Toolkit: Breaking encryption that you think is "military-grade"
- Open-Source Contributions: Fixing your incompetence, one commit at a time
security_advisory() {
echo "PGP Key ID: 21FB6FBFE2C8C899459B037F24E90C20FCF6B58A"
echo "Encryption: The difference between your privacy and your regrets."
}SHOW SOME FUCKING ADOPTABILITY
Your firewall is a suggestion; mine is a religion.