CAS1

Black Cards: http://cardsagainstscience.com/uploads/3/3/4/3/3343345/cas500black.pdf

When I opened the incubator this morning, I found _________.

I published my first paper in the journal of _______.

I couldn't finish my proposal because I was detained by ________.

Who is the latest superstar professor to be hired?

_____ taught me all I know about science.

Elon Musk's next company to tackle __________.

Newton was led to the discovery of gravity when a __________ him on the head.

My PCR didn't work due to ________.

What is the name given to an object so massive it deflects the paths of passing light rays?

What is the source of the Ultra-High Energy Cosmic Rays?

The amazing lyrebird can imitate any sound, except that of ___________.

When I reduced the Hubble Space Telescope images, I saw _________.

Our hierarchical Bayesian analysis resulted in a high- confidence inference of __________.

"It's trivial!" said the Professor. "It's obviously just a __________."

We regret to inform you that your investigation into the mating habits of ________ will not be funded.

Have you considered the effect of __________?

In the lab, I dropped the ___________ on the __________. That was a mess.

After I mixed _________ and __________ , it resulted in _________.

On the next episode of The Big Bang Theory, Sheldon Cooper faces _____________.

After much deliberation, IUPAC decided to name the next element __________ium.

The best way to obtain publication- quality data is to use _______.

What aspects of STEM public outreach are audiences most clamoring for?

How do you escape a black hole?

Dinosaur bones are really a test of our faith in __________.

Lady Ada often spent the evening at home with her ________.

I was surprised to find that the wormhole led to ____________.

Your advisor's favorite side activity during group meeting.

______ or perish.

Best excuse for putting off writing a referee report.

_____ is why there aren't enough women in the sciences.

_____ is why it always takes an extra five minutes to get the computer projector working.

Nothing is denser than ___________.

______ is the study of herpetologists.

My results may have been influenced by the ______ discovered in my ________.

The experiment started working once the _________ was inserted in the __________.

It's been said that _____ causes autism. Murderers!

Your gut microbiota can help you ________.

I don't think the Large Hadron Collider was expecting to discover __________.

You can use this to calculate the radius of the hydrogen atom.

The gravitational pull of a _______ is so great that not even light can escape.

Einstein described ________ as "his biggest blunder."

Carl Linnaeus would have named it ____________.

________ caused the Pioneer anomaly.

Organs are best grown in the lab with the addition of ___________.

Everything I know about science I learned from _________.

The peer reviewer suggested _________ might help.

Quantum physicists have succeeded in entangling ___ and ___.

After Joe forgot to put the _________ under the fume hood, all hell broke loose.

The mysterious residue on the lab counter was _________.

In the darkness of the laser lab, Mary mistook the _______ for a polarimeter.

I will be required to dissect 500 ________ to complete my thesis.

When Schrodinger opened the box, he found ___.

Drinking in the lab on a Friday night is usually not a good idea, because _____ tends to be the result.

When I was out doing field work, I caught _________ in my trap.

Darwin's Theory of _____ was invalidated by ___________.

I knew I should not have used my twins for an experiment when I observed _______.

Universities in the southern United States are beginning to hire __________.

I knew I never should have added _______ to the chemical reaction.

_____ plus _____ resulted in science's biggest flop to date.

It's perfectly okay to pipette by mouth, except when using _______.

Why is my bench sticky?

Further study is required to establish a causal link between ____ and ____.

Rutherford's ______ experiment helped determine the basic structure of ________.

Astronomers watched excitedly as _________ made its final descent into the black hole.

Einstein was also well respected in the academic community for his studies on ______.

Despite some recent progress, _______ are still struggling to understand _______.

While mercifully rare, there is no known cure for ________.

As an experiment, I inserted ______ into ______ and discovered ______.

Hey! We've discovered _______ on Mars!

Before centrifuging ______, never forget to _______.

Oh, those are just mice ________.

My lab mates really hated it when I ______ while listening to _______.

________. It's a bitch.

I can't wait until I never have to _________.

Epigenetics: As easy to understand as _________.

I hate it when I get busted for _______.

_______: A misunderstood lab hobby.

Why can't I get _______ to work?

What contaminated my cell cultures?

To coax mice to mate, I like to ______.

Science. Where truth can be found in ________.

Science: A journey that begins with _________.

Science: The perennial quest for ______.

Science: I devoted my life to it because ________.

Science: The only endeavour in which studying _______ is respectable.

On the Origin of ______ — Darwin's lesser-known tome.

Science: The _______ that keeps on giving.

Things To Do: 1. _________ 2. _________ 3. _________

Science: Doing its part to help humanity, one _______ at a time.

I can't believe I get paid to _______.

After I defended, my advisor gave me ________.

Congratulat- ions! Your fellowship includes a stipend and _______.

_________: Don't go to a conference without it.

Don't forget to include ________ in your dissertation acknowledge- ments.

Why did the dinosaurs die?

Better living through _________.

A parasite is an organism that takes ________ away from another organism while it is still living.

What astronomers found lurking inside a black hole.

The National Science Foundation recently started handing out grants to study _____________.

What did Carl Sagan put in his bong water?

Grad school was going well until I came across _________.

All models are wrong, but some are _________.

My thermo- dynamics class failed to mention the law of conservation of _______.

When the ice caps melted we were surprised to find unfrozen _____________.

A hurricane named _________.

The newly discovered species was so fat when it __________ it _____________.

After getting tenure the professor celebrated by _____________.

Chemical equilibrium was reached when ____________.

The best endothermic reaction is _____________.

We knew our grant didn't get funded when ____________.

That's not a hypothesis it's ______________.

I knew my Ph.D. defense wasn't going well when ___________.

Creationists hate it when________.

The last mass extinction event was caused by ____________.

My paper on ____________ couldn't get published in a peer reviewed journal, so I submitted it to ____________.

The one thing Neil Degrasse Tyson doesn't want you to know about science is __________.

Can you believe the new Texas textbooks said ______________.

In hindsight, I shouldn't have put ______ in the autoclave.

When alone during evenings in the laboratory, I like to ______ .

Josiah Willard Gibbs always thought ________ was pretty hot.

After pointing the Hubble space telescope at a blank patch of sky for 10 days astronomers were surprised to see ________.

The _____ can be distinguished from the _____ by _____.

________ - results inconclusive.

Applied for a postdoc, all I got was this lousy ________.

_______ can be thought of as a superposition of _______ and _______.

As Schrodinger stuffed the cat in the box, he had an awful thought: What if the cat is ____________.

Her gravity well tasted surprisingly like _____________.

To increase its Impact Factor, Nature published a special issue about ________.

Physicists will often simplify a system by modeling it as a _________.

Why I chose a career in science.

I just love doing ___________ behind the lab bench!

Campus lab safety protocol requires you to always put on your __________ before doing _____________.

Your conclusion is flawed because you failed to reconcile __________ with ____________.

White Cards: http://cardsagainstscience.com/uploads/3/3/4/3/3343345/cas500white.pdf

Mouth Pipetting.

Repetitive stress injury.

Computer older than combined age of all grad students.

Grad student who has been in the department longer than all known faculty.

Asbestos.

Golden boy.

Bayesian statistics.

The token female professor.

That one female engineer everyone knows but is afraid to ask out.

Labcest (lab incest).

Ecologist chic.

Gastro- intestinal worms.

Anthrax.

Ernst Haeckel.

Lotka-Volterra Equation.

J.B.S. Haldane.

Island biogeography.

Intermediate host.

Schisto- somiasis.

Rinderpest.

E.O. Wilson.

An empty pipette.

Nudibranchs.

Astral projection.

A 3D printed heart.

Cosmic microwave background radiation.

Nuclear waste.

Traumatic insemination.

A significant increase in entropy.

Carl Sagan's turtlenecks.

Reviewer 3.

Tardigrades.

The control group.

A gravitational lens.

An impact crater.

Crashing into the Sun.

Nano- technology.

No-one knows.

Dissolved in a vial of hydrochloric acid.

Lab rotation students.

Internet arguments about Richard Dawkins.

A DNA ladder.

Supermassive black hole.

The 10 Inuit words for sperm.

Irrefutable proof of life on Mars.

A learning opportunity.

Fundamental discord between theory and experiment leading to a paradigm shift.

Evidence that there really is a God.

Professor Richard Dawkins.

Newton's virginity.

Brain parasites.

Pauli exclusion principle.

Hypermatter annihilation reaction.

Church of Scientology.

Violent relaxation.

Mice with tumors on their butts.

Falsifying data.

Nature cover.

Hunger strike when I don't get tenure.

RNAses.

Pipette fatigue.

Stephen Pinker's hair.

Integral charts.

Lab coat stains.

Getting scooped.

Laser spot damage.

Centrifuge tubes.

p < 0.05.

Machine learning buttressed Bayesian statistical inference.

Schrodinger's cat.

Genome.

Cleaning up after sex on the Space Shuttle.

Gravity, sponsored by Red Bull.

A hairless black hole.

Gneiss cleavage.

Edwin Hubble's expanding shaft.

Watson and Crick slash/fic.

Robert Boyle's passed gas.

Isaac Newton's nocturnal emissions.

LIGO.

Soft money.

Leftover pizza.

Utter and complete lack of faculty presence at social activities.

Two-body problem.

Blood-stained lab coat.

Unethical bastardization of the scientific method.

TMNT ooze.

Friggin black holes, man!

Quantum teleportation.

Tachyons, bitch.

Positronic neural net. It's a real thing!

Cold fusion.

Magnetic monopoles. That's right, plural!

Your advisor marrying one of his other graduate students, who started after you did.

Astronomers attempting to dance.

That one guy everyone in the field hates but who publishes way too damn often somehow.

Conference hookups.

Overwhelming incompre- hensible over- commitment.

Wet mergers with dynamical friction.

The Leidenfrost Effect.

Onions.

Scientology.

The Caspian Sea.

The Matrix.

Kansas Dept. of Education.

National Science Foundation.

A well- sharpened pencil.

The TARDIS.

Autoclave.

Natural selection!

Darwin.

A crescent moon.

Phalanges banging.

Alan Turing's last blowjob.

Brightly coloured liquids.

Uranus.

The Cosmological Constant.

Black Hole.

Bilateral symmetry.

A Petri dish full of spermatozoa.

A two-headed snake.

A corkscrew duck penis.

Evolution gone awry.

Cosmic strings.

Van Allen belt.

Reprogrammed stem cells.

Microscopic black holes.

40-gallon drum of nuclear waste.

David Attenborough's vocal stylings.

Mice sprouting tumors.

Asymmetrical body parts.

Interstellar space.

The Scoville scale of pepper hotness.

Fecal transplants.

Crime scene DNA.

Nanoparticle swarms.

Grey goo.

Solar flares.

Robot overlords.

Amber- encased insect.

Humpback whale song.

Mosquitofish.

Donor organs.

Invasive carp.

Undifferentiat- ed stem cells.

Cosmic inflation.

Fractured metatarsals.

Mad cow disease.

Electro- shocking earthworms.

Cocaine ordered from Sigma Aldrich.

Tetrahydro- cannibinol.

A jar of leeches.

Replacing polymerase enzyme with rancid komodo dragon saliva.

A gravitational constant string.

Passing out on lab ethanol.

The metric system.

A spontaneous fission reaction.

Pickle juice.

Answers in Genesis.

Neil DeGrasse Tyson.

Autism caused by vaccinations.

Creationists.

Isaac Newton's third law of first dates.

The control group.

Unicorns.

Going inside soap bubbles.

Opposable thumbs.

Carl Sagan's frustrated desire to become a tarot card reader.

Phylum Echino- dermata.

Sea squirts.

Coughing on your labmate's plate of primary cells.

Presenting your data in Comic Sans.

Prancing about in a bunny suit in the BSL-3 lab.

Making out with the lab hottie in the dark room.

An inverse correlation between error bar size and penile length.

Bonobo sex.

Schrodinger's Cat.

A grad student with nothing to lose.

Awkward advisor interaction.

MRSA.

Chlamydia.

Spaghettificat- ion.

The radioactive, undead corspe Marie Curie back from the grave, out for revenge.

Maxwell's demon.

Statisticians with haemorrhoids.

Testing bunnies with cosmetics.

Artificial insemination.

Excess production of methane.

Free radicals.

Flatlining brain.

Stonehenge.

Methane from cows.

A type Ia supernova.

A temporal anomaly.

Lab hazing.

Schrodinger's cattery.

Undergrads.

Mice that eat their babies.

Putting dry ice in Eppendorf tubes.

Pavlov's doggy daycare.

Explosive testes.

Experimenting on yourself.

Three gallons of pure ethanol.

"Field" work.

Accidentally falling in a volcano.

Eating your model system.

Eating your model organism.

Your pervy advisor.

Steven Hawking talking dirty.

John Gurdon's hair.

Taking shots from the 70% ethanol.

Falsifying data.

Herpes.

Sequencing your own DNA.

Watching fruit flies having sex.

Spit in a tube.

Jizz in a tube.

Jerk off in an MRI.

Weigh mouse poop.

Fucking in zero gravity.

Robot sex.

Gonads.

Blowing shit up.

Stashing a six- pack in the lab fridge.

Indescribable frustration.

Growing pot in the greenhouse.

Getting stopped by airport security because of the chemicals on your shoes.

"The Elements" by Tom Lehrer.

p=0.06.

A spider the size of your face.

An everted seastar stomach.

A new state of matter.

Pornographic looking cloud.

Untethered spacewalk.

Plasma surfing on solar flares.

Exploitative advisor.

Measuring the diameter of a penguin's anus and winning an Ignobel for the trouble.

Bigfoot's DNA sequence.

The Ablation Cascade.

Self- Replicating Mystery Meat.

Dihydrogen Monoxide.

A supermassive black hole with a taste for human blood.

A back of the envelope calculation.

My major professor.

Confirmation bias.

Long, rambling questions after a conference talk.

Satellites.

A human subject (i.e. myself).

My messy lab.

Reviewers.

Highly cited papers.

Distracting grammatical errors.

The scientific method.

Diuretic shellfish poisoning.

I'm Bill Nye, BIATCH!

All the ethanol went missing.

Pythagoras's NEW theorem.

Because the Bible says so.

Sea level rising...In my pants.

Birdemic.

That's a big pipette.

Texas textbooks.

We're gonna need a bigger fulcrum.

Not enough replicates.

Antibiotic- resistant gonorrhea.

Spontaneous combustion of fecal matter.

An analytic solution of the Navier-Stokes equation as applied to explosive diarrhea.

Blowfish.

Nads the size of Jupiter.

Hearing a number such as 10000 and wondering what it is in binary.

Watching a baseball game and plotting trajectories in your head.

Sprinkling salt on sliced tomatoes and thinking, "Osmois at work!"

Speaking out loud in chemical formulas. To yourself.

Cloacal protuberance.

Cloacal kiss.

Great tits.

Amphiphile.

Electrical fires.

Undergrads.

Liquid nitrogen.

Traumatic insemination.

Sequential hermaphrodit- ism.

Killer cells.

Protein injection.

Static electricity.

Gravity ripples.

Serial monogamy.

Regression to the mean.

Total Maximum Daily Load.

Contagious yawning.

Awkward lab parties.

Legless lizards.

Physics envy.

Arachnophobic entomologists.

Topological insulators.

Brain-eating proteins.

Brems- strahlung.

Prostate dysfunction.

H5N1 pandemic avian flu.

Leaky barrels of nuclear waste.

Mind-bending quantum paradoxes.

In precise terms, deady, deady, dead dead.

Just some goddamn cells, ok?

The God Delusion.

Shitty verbal on the GRE.

The moon.

Vaginal secretions.

A USB, some Red Bull knock-off, and the homeliest lab tech.

The footnotes.

A horrifying cat that is both dead and alive.

The unparalleled genius of Albert Einstein's ball sack.

Ed Witten practicing shibari with Leonard Susskind.

Climate change denial.

Another goddam postdoc.

Bill Nye's bowtie.

High-fiving a robot arm.

Mercury fulminate disguised as crystal meth.

A mouse growing a human ear on its back.

A research monkey that is smarter than the lab assistant.

Pouring liquid nitrogen down the back of someone's shirt.

A lab mouse that simply refuses to die.

Stain-covered lab coats.

Koko the gorilla's kittens.

An illegibly labeled specimen.

Melting sea ice.

A lab full of hot undergrad interns.

Agar shot